Do You Keep Dating The Wrong People? | The Psychology Behind Ignoring Red Flags
Red flags are indicators that someone might not be the best match for us. Early dating red flags are warning signs that can often lead to much more unhealthy situations further down the line. However more often than not red flags are ignored. Some individuals are even subconsciously more attracted to certain red flag behaviours.
Are you often finding yourself being attracted to the wrong partner? Are you struggling to find someone willing to commit? Do you tend to get hurt in relationships? You may be ignoring red flags. There are a number of reasons why that might be:
1.Your inner-child is used to their behaviour
When we are growing up we can’t turn away or leave our caregivers so therefore we have to ignore certain behaviors to maintain connection with them. For example, if one of our parents shouts at us, we may normalise this or excuse it, because it becomes familiar. Therefore when it comes up in dating, we may excuse or justify this behavior, or even not recognise that it isn't okay.
2.You have low self-worth
When you have low-self worth you may believe you are worthy of mistreatment and you are less aware of the fact that there is more out there, available to you.
3.You are afraid of being alone
Sometimes when you are so longing for love and connection, you ignore red flags and pretend they’re not there in hope to receive the love you need.
4.You may be anxiously attached
Your attachment style impacts the way in which you view relationships and others’ actions. For example, if you have anxious attachment strategies then when someone withdraws or is emotionally absent, your nervous system may be activated by this, and you may feel like you need to earn love from them. Whereas, someone who has a secure attachment may stop dating someone who is emotionally absent.
Rather than being angry and frustrated with yourself, be compassionate. When you’ve missed red flags in the past, it was your subconscious trying to seek connection and love. Now that you are conscious of this, this pattern can change.
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